The Great Wall + Haffertee the Hamster

One of my favourite internet-based time-wasting activities is tracking down childhood books/toys/tv shows etc. I'm continually amazed both by how much of this often obscure material has found its way online and by how, for want of a better word, crap most of it is when I do track it down. (Transformers cartoon series anyone?) But occasionally, I do glean some insight into the true nature of something to which I had been oblivious when I originally encountered it.

Case in point: I was recently looking up a few children's books (with a view to perhaps revisiting them with Gekko Jr at some point). And what I found were two cases of what had seemed like wholesome, innocent stories that are in fact thinly-veiled propaganda materials.


1. "Haffertee Finds A Place Of His Own", by Janet Perkins. I vaguely remembered this as a nice yarn about a hamster who lives in the house of a nice family and makes himself a cosy little living space somewhere (in a shoebox was it?). So imagine my reaction upon finding this on Amazon:

Part of the "Haffertee" series, this is another story about a lovable soft-toy hamster and his friends. As children read the books, they will also learn more about Haffertee's best friend - God - and his care and interest in all aspects of everyone's lives.

Hmmm. Well, I guess on second thoughts nostalgia can go hang: suffice it to say that, loveable as he may be, Mr Haffertee won't be bedding down in the Gekko residence any time soon.


2. "The Great Wall", by Paul White. In this case I admit I already had a fairly strong suspicion that the story had some kind of religious undertones. (After all, the book was a gift from a great uncle who had a tendency to ply my brother and I with god-fearing reading materials: a children's bible and storybooks of parables such as "The Good Samaritan" --- which against I very much enjoyed -- were among his other offerings.)

Anyhow, I am unable to track down the original edition (a lavishly illustrated A4-sized paperback in landscape format), but I did find the text. As you can see, it starts off as an intriguing tale about some unusually loquacious jungle animals, but it gradually turns into something much more sinister:

In an African hospital the story is told of THE GREAT WALL. All the animals were very upset for suddenly this great wall had appeared right through the middle of the jungle. Elephant said, "what can we do?" All the rest of the animals chattered, "We MUST do something about this wall. It is very serious. How can we get to the other side?" Giraffe said, "The Great Wall is very high and as far as I can see it is very thick." Lion roared, "And the best parts of the jungle are on the other side!" Monkey jumped up and down, "We must get through. This side of the wall is desert. It's dry and dusty and dull." "Stop the talk, " snorted Rhino, "Stand back! I will charge through it." And he thundered away towards the wall with the animals cheering him on. BANG!!! The awful wall nearly knocked poor Rhino out and made his face and head bleed! Then Elephant had a go. He tried to push through the Great Wall. He pushed and pushed, and heaved and heaved. But had to admit at the end, "there is no way THROUGH that Wall."

Hyena laughed his spooky giggle. "For animals of great strength and small cunning there is no way through that Great Wall, But... we hyenas are smart and crafty. I will find a way AROUND that Wall." So he walked and walked, all day, all night. Another day and another night. And then the waiting animals saw Hyena coming back at last. They yelled, "tell us quickly what you found." Hyena gasped, "It is no use at all. There is no way around, the Great Wall goes on and on and on! There is no way AROUND!"
Then Snake hissed, "Enough of this! Sssssso you think you are clever and strong, but I am a ssslitherer. I will slither and ssssslide UNDER the Great Wall." Off Snake went, he twisted, wiggled, and squirmed. He disappeared for a long while, and then he came back up. "At last I have found a way under the Wall, " he said. "Pardon me, " said Giraffe, "you are still on the same side, snake!" "What, " hissed snake, "I have travelled many dark ways underground. No animal could have done as much. If there was a way UNDER the Wall I would have found it. There is no way under!"

No way THROUGH. No way AROUND. No way UNDER.
Then monkey yelled, "Look at me, look at me. I can climb anything. I will find a way OVER the Great Wall. Stand back - here I come!" And monkey yelled a giant "WOOOOP!!" and ran toward that wall. He leap on it and climbed and climbed and climbed. Down he fell at last with a crash. Then he got Giraffe to stand close to the wall. And monkey got a good start by climbing first up Giraffe's long, long neck. Monkey climbed and climbed, he tried so hard. Then he fell, and tumbled down with an awful "bump!" Elephant found him at the bottom of the wall knocked right out! He had to blow air into Monkeys' mouth with his trunk to get him to "come to" again. All the animals agreed, "there is no way OVER the Great Wall."
NO way THROUGH. No way AROUND. No way UNDER. No way OVER.

The Great Wall has a name which can be seen by those who understand. The wall is called SIN. People try all sorts of ways to get past the Wall made by their own sin. They try to get THROUGH, and AROUND, and UNDER and OVER Sin. But there is no way we can get past Sin by ourselves. Listen to what God's book, the Bible, says, "Your sin has come between you and your God." But Jesus has broken down that Wall. There is a Doorway in the Wall, and it is in the shape of a Mighty Cross! So that anyone who wants to have nothing to do with sin, who wants to come to God, can. When they come to the Great Wall they just walk through the Cross -Door. Why? Because of what Jesus has done. He shed His Blood for the Sin of the world. Here is what the Lord Jesus says to you and me: "I am the Way ... come to Me."

"Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me." ( John 14:6).

Crikey, that's pretty heavy stuff to lay on an innocent child; in fact, I'd go so far as to describe it as a load of sadistic bollocks. The tragedy is that it starts off so promisingly --- if only we could read about how the animals then sat down together and somehow contrived a solution to the "wall" problem as a team (don't ask me how -- maybe they invent dynamite or something). Now that just might be a story with a worthwhile message.

The Devil and Simon Flagg

I originally came across this delightful short story in a mathematical text on Fermat's Last Theorem (I've forgotten its name, but suffice it to say I probably wasn't reading it in any depth). It says more about academics than it does about the Devil.

The Hunger Games

"Welcome to the 74th annual...... Battle Royale!!!... er... Running Man!?! Um, no that's not right is it... oh yes: Hunger Games!!!"

Regular interim-ites will recognize (and forgive, I trust) the pathetic but all-too-regular urge that I feel to tap into the zeitgeist and get jiggy with it that recently led me to read The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins (and watch the 2012 movie adaptation in fairly short order).

I actually quite enjoyed the book (which has the distinction of being my first fictional ebook read on the iPad) -- and I can imagine I would have enjoyed it all the more when I was a member of the "young adult" demographic which is its intended readership. Back then I probably would have eagerly gobbled up the remaining two volumes of the trilogy too, but in staid adulthood I find my curiosity sated by the first.

I found the film, on the other hand, to be a bit so-so and by-the-numbers. It was a reasonable effort, but it all seemed a bit rushed.

Of course, as you'll have noticed from my opening gambit, I drew the obvious parallels to the japanese gore flick Battle Royale -- which I watched just last year and rather enjoyed -- and the classic Arnie action movie The Running Man (1987), which was a childhood favourite of mine.

I decided to re-watch The Running Man and was pleasantly surprised to find that it still holds up quite well. The dialogue is pure cheese (it's Arnie in his heyday, after all) but it can be appreciated in a mildly tongue-in-cheek. The line "Hey, Christmas Tree!" is one of my all-time favourites, and he even manages to squeeze in an "I'll be back!". Also amusing to note that Mick Fleetwood and Dweezil Zappa have cameo roles as resistance freedom fighter types (what's up with that???).

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life on mars

really enjoyed this series -- bbc at it's finest. john simms is sam tyler, the cop from 2006 who crashes his car and wakes up in 1973. Is he mad? Or in a coma? Or back in time? Take my advice: it's well worth
a watch to find out. The soundtrack alone is worth the price of admission.

ashes to ashes

follow-up series to "life on mars", featuring the foxy Keeley Hawes as DI alex drake, who takes a leaf out of the sam tyler playbook, taking a bullet to the head and waking up in 1981. Philip Glenister is back as "The Guv'", aka DCI Gene Hunt, who gives us the glorious catch phrase "fire up the quattro". Overall it's a fun and worthwhile return to the "life on mars" universe, but it's not quite as good as that
first series. It probably should have stuck to two seasons instead of stretching out to three.

broken embraces (2009)

another one from the cruz/almovodar canon. not bad, but not essential viewing.

the rules of attraction (2002)

film adaptation of the bret easton ellis novel. populated with characters that are as contemptible as they are uninteresting, this leaves one with the impression that Ellis is a tired one-trick pony.

priscilla queen of the desert (1994)

hugo weaving, guy pearce and terence stamp explore their inner queen in this iconic aussie flick.

the town (2010)

yawnarama bank robber flick directed by and starring ben affleck. you've seen it all before and better done.

eric clapton & friends (1986)

captivating performance by slowhand from the height of his eighties pastel era. features phil collins on skins, who delivers a stirring rendition of "in the air tonight".

get thrashed! (2008)

documentary film on the origins of thrash metal. features some interesting early footage and interviews with key players -- including a classic snippet where dave mustaine humbly acknowledges that he is
directly or indirectly responsible for the success of all the top thrash bands (having co-founded Metallica and Megadeth, he does have a point, but still...).

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You know the drill:

Food, Inc.: Excellent, troubling documentary film which shines a light on modern-day food production in the US (and the role of large corporations therein). It's all-too similar to the problems we see in the finance industry: large corporations with deep pockets, armies of lawyers and lobbyists and, above all, a relentless, insatiable drive to increase profits at the expense of any other consideration. In both cases, the increase in "efficiency" comes at the cost of an increase in systemic fragility and, subsequently, a heightened risk of large shocks. In the finance world these take the form of ever-larger boom-bust cycles; in the food industry we see outbreaks of food poisoning and new strains of antibiotic-resistant bacteria evolving in the petri dishes of modern CAFOs.

It is all, quite literally, sickening and guaranteed to provide some (excuse the pun) food for thought next time you're in the supermarket. As for me, to paraphrase an Uruk-hai from The Two Towers: "look's like (non-organic) meat's back off the menu!".

True Grit: exquisitely shot, but fairly slow, western that will probably only appeal to purists of the genre (for the rest of us, suffice it to say it's no Tombstone!). Featuring Jeff Bridges, Matt Damon and Josh Brolin.

Casino Jack and the United States of Money: documentary film about disgraced lobbyist and all-round shyster Jack Abramoff who screwed over everyone from sweatshop workers in the Mariana Islands to Native American Indian casino owners while peddling his connections to top-level US politicans. If you have any lingering doubts on whether the US political system is rotten all the way to the top, then watch this and be disabused. Warning: this film may leave you feeling so dirty that you need to take a shower immediately after viewing.

Invictus: tells the story of South Africa's rugby world cup win soon after the end of apartheid -- if it wasn't based on a true story you'd think it was way too much of a fairy tale ending. It's a reasonable film but doesn't quite work for me. Morgan Freeman is not bad as Nelson Mandela, but it's hard to nail such a larger than life figure. And not to belittle Matt Damon's performance as the Springboks captain, but it would be nice to see a genuine South African in the role (imagine how Aussies would react to an American playing the role of Don Bradman?).

Animal Kingdom: gritty family crime drama set in Melbourne and featuring a smattering of well-known Aussie acting talent (notably Joel Edgerton, Guy Pearce, and Jacki Weaver). Reminiscent of Underbelly or a darker version of Two Hands.

Warrior: excellent film featuring Australia's own Joel Edgerton. Equal parts "The Wrestler" and "The Fighter", with a liberal sprinkling of Rocky, set in the brutal context of mixed martial arts cage-fighting. A measure of how much I was enjoying watching this on the bus  last night is that I sailed, completely oblivious, right past my stop and on for about another kilometer or so before noticing. 

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With not even a half-hearted attempt at chronological order, here is a
crude dump of my latest and greatest android-tubing:

30 Rock (Seasons 5 and 6): it's probably past its best at this stage,
but it continues to do what it says on the tin. I had no problem
mugging up to 2-3 episodes per0 bus ride.

Hung (Season 1): short-lived HBO comedy/drama about a high school
teacher who, thanks to the GFC and a messy divorce, ends up
moonlighting as a male gigolo. It's mildly entertaining here and
there, but it's awfully contrived and none of the characters are
really engaging, so it's not hard to see why the show didn't last too
long. The opening theme by The Black Keys is probably the highlight
for me.

Control: a well-done biopic portraying the brief and predominantly
unhappy career of Joy Division singer Ian Curtis. On the face of it,
there's little to pity, or respect for that matter, about a guy who
ditches his wife and newborn for a french floozy as soon as his band
starts to get a whiff of success, and who returns home to the family
fold only to get drunk and hang himself in the back kitchen. But the
film does a good job of conveying Curtis' depression as a real (and
debilitating) affliction, and invites compassion without going
overboard and heroizing him.

Alien Quadrilogy: I treated myself to a bit of revision here in the
run-up to seeing Prometheus on the big screen (more about that below).
Nothing fundamentally new here, so I'll limit myself to two
observations. (1) Aliens is still, for my money, the apex of the
series: much as the alien is the perfect organism, this is the perfect
action film. And the automatic sentry guns (which, in what can only be
described as a moment of pure cutting-room folly, were edited out of
the original, but can be seen in the "special edition") are simply
awesome. (2) Alien Resurrection is an appalling turd of a film that,
in hindsight, could be said to herald the beginning of the violent and
protacted rape of the franchise that would really get going in earnest
with the farcical "Alien vs. Predator" installments. Of course, the
writing was already on the wall with Alien 3 -- a film that I'll go to
my grave arguing should never have been made and wishing I could
somehow unsee (Hicks and Newt -- dead? Just like that? Why?), but at
least it was a sort-of okay film on its own terms.

Mad Max Trilogy: out of curiosity more than anything else, I decided
to check out these cult favourites (from a happier age in which the
"mad" tag applied to Mel Gibson's movie alter-egos more than
himself..). The first one was actually okay, but the sequels were
pretty silly. The bad guys dressed and acted, for the most part, like
they belonged to a Sydney Mardi Gras stage float that had somehow
taken a wrong turn on the way to George Street and ended up in the
outback. But I did like the elasticated cage fighting in the
Thunderdome.

Inside Job: excellent documentary film exploring the causes of the
GFC. Check out the weaselly squirming of some of the economists who
had (unwisely for them, as it turns out) agreed to be interviewed for
the film.

Margin Call: a fictional story set in an investment bank, loosely
based on the events leading up to the collapse of Lehmann Brothers.
Good performances from a surprisingly strong ensemble cast, including
Kevin Spacey, Simon Baker, Demi Moore and Jeremy Irons. There are a
couple of slightly over-the-top moments (Irons' theatrical boardroom
speech being one of them), but for the most part it rings quite true
and is as authentic a portrayal of investment banking culture as I've
seen.

Cloudstreet: thoroughly enjoyed this charming mini-series adaptation
of the Tim Winton novel.

Stardust: fun little fantasy/fairy tale film based on the book by Neil
Gaiman. Robert De Niro camps it up as a whoopsie pirate captain,
Michelle Pfeiffer plays a witch, and Claire Danes is a star fallen to
earth in human form (with a remarkably good english accent). Look out
for a scene-stealing cameo from Ricky Gervais.

Sweeney Todd: I didn't realise going into this one that it was a
musical, so there was a moment of serious trepidation a few minutes in
when a street urchin, apropos of nothing, burst into song. Despite my
early misgivings, however, I ended up thoroughly enjoying it. Johnny
Depp and Helena Bonham Carter manage to stay on the entertaining side
of quirky (a remarkable achievement, given that it's Tim Burton at the
helm), and Alan Rickman is enjoyable as always.

Anvil! The Story Of Anvil: a fairly interesting documentary film about
Canadian heavy metal also-rans Anvil who, despite promising early
success back at the beginning of the eighties, never quite made the
big time. Now in their fifties, they still haven't abandoned the dream
of breaking through and prepare to risk it all for one last shot. I'm
usually one to root for the million-to-one shot, but here it just
seems a bit sad.

Moon: haunting and thought-provoking little sci-fi flick in the vein
of 2001:A Space Odyssey. I wish more sci-fi films had this ratio of
budget to entertainment value.

Dr Strangelove: early Kubrick film, this is a very entertaining
satirical commentary on cold war madness, much in the mould of Catch 22.

Shame: a brooding film about one man's struggle with sex addiction.
For those of us who still thought of the latter as something faintly
glamorous to be read about in the tabloid media in conjunction with
the likes of Michael Douglas or Dave Grohl --- in short, as something
that applied to those more fortunate than us -- this film gives a
decidely smuttier take. Stars a Patrick Bateman-esque Michael
Fassbender.

Prometheus: this has the dubious distinction of being my first cinema
visit since living in Sydney. My initial reaction was one of general
underwhelmedness (and no, I don't think it's because I saw it in
boring 2D on the non-VMAX screens). But that opinion improved steadily
over the following day or two, and in the end I've come round to
thinking it was actually a pretty reasonable effort. Michael
Fassbender, playing the main non-human character, gives the most
entertaining (and probably the most human) performance.

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More mobile film fodder...

Milk (2008): excellent film about the life and death of San Francisco's first openly gay elected official, Harvey Milk. A career-defining performance from Sean Penn.

Flags Of Our Fathers (2006): tells the true story behind the historic photograph showing American soldiers planting a flag on a Pacific island hilltop during WWII. It's a bit long and fairly dry overall, but it does feature some of the most amazing footage of a beach landing since Saving Private Ryan.

Das Wunder Von Bern (2003): heart-warming story about West Germany's victorious world cup campaign in 1954 in which, against all the odds, they triumphed over the hitherto invincible Hungarian team. 

Shine A Light (2008): over-hyped Rolling Stones concert film directed by Martin Scorcese. The concert, like the whole project, seems lazy and self-indulgent and doesn't really change my long-standing opinion that --- Keif's classic riffs notwithstanding --- the Stones are one of the most overrated acts in rock music history.

Hancock (2008): incredibly silly, but surpisingly watchable, action-hero flick with Will Smith and Charlize Theron. 

Black Orpheus (1959): film adaptation of a Brazilian musical based on the classic Greek love story of Orpheus and Eurydice. The soundtrack by Antonion Carlos Jobim and Luis Bonfa includes several classic Bossa Nova standards ("Manha de Carnival" and "A Felicidad"). It's a bit dated but quite interesting.

Big Business (1988): camp and ridiculously contrived comedy starring Bette Midler. Strictly for 80s purists (as such, I rather enjoyed it).

Indian Runner (1991): fairly depressing yarn about a pair of brothers in the post-Vietnam American heartland. Directed by Sean Penn and featuring a young (pre-Strider) Viggo Mortensen.

Distant Voices, Still Lives (1988): a film about working-class life in Liverpool in the 50s and 60s, before the Beatles. Not really my cup of tea.

The Ides Of March (2011): recent political drama with George Clooney, Paul Giamatti and an ever-more-spherical Philip Seymour Hoffman. Not bad, but not great either.